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Please Review My Salesletter

 
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geedo



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Germany

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 7:17 pm    Post subject: Please Review My Salesletter

I would like to get your comments and suggestions on my Salesletter:
http://www.coach-my-business.com/90-days/

- Is there too much hype, not enough or just good as it is?
- Do you like the design?
- What about the sales approach?
- What about the lenght, should it be longer or shorter?
- What could be done better to raise conversion rates?

Please be honest, I can take it.

Guido
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MoneyPlus



Joined: 31 Oct 2007
Posts: 15
Location: Big Apple - New York City

Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:36 am    Post subject: Geedo's Site Critique

Geedo, I like your site. Very professional.
I love the header.

One suggestion that I would make to you, is that right under the header,
it says "The First Real Step-by-Step Guide That Leads You
Through the Process of Making Money Online"

The font size is gigantic.

The most critical piece of real estate on any website is the top fold.
People decide right then and there if they are going to stay or click out.

You have taken up all that valuable real estate with the one question
and then a gigantic picture of your ebook. You're not using that space efficiently.

The picture of the ebook is premature. It belongs on the bottom (when they are getting ready
to pull out their credit card, so they can see what they are getting), not at the top.

Next suggestion. Your testimonials are fantastic!
BUT, you're showcasing them too early. The text that you have after the testimonials,
should come before the testimonials.

Your salescopy is very good. You have a few run on sentences where you have a comma
when you should have a period instead, but the length and your message is just fine.
Get someone (other than yourself) to proof read it for you
and you'll have a GREAT salesletter.

One last suggestion, your opt-in form...
"Signup for my newsletter and receive 3 secret marketing strategies!"

It's a little weak. Try to punch it up a little. Make it a little more compelling.

One more last thing. In your P.S. the word should be spelled lose, not loose.
All in all, it's a great site!

Good Luck and Best Wishes,
Carl Willoughby
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"Coolest Musical Instrument on the Planet"...
http://www.HughTraceyKalimba.com
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hanleo46



Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Posts: 14

Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2007 10:51 am    Post subject: Overall good sales page

It follows the format of a long sales page more or less...

one thought...you call it "90 Days to OnLineProfits" in the graphics, and your title talks about "making money online"....your guarantee is for 8 weeks or 56 days........you might be more convincing if the 90 days was consistent there too...I know your business woukld honor refunds anyway, but...

Also You have mixed a signup form with your sales page ,,,,,,,which do you want.......I thought your primary purpose was to sell the Course, not optins


Looks like you have a good plan,,,,,making money and profits are not necessarily the same tho
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Hope Your Business is Going Well!

Leo Hanes
Did You Know You Can Get *Targeted Traffic, No Cost, With Traffic Manifesto?
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geedo



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Germany

Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:49 am    Post subject:

Carl, thank you so much for your suggestions! They make sense and I will change that like you suggested.

Leo, we took the 90 days guarantee into consideration, I guess if there are refund request then most likely in the first week. Maybe I make it even outstanding since I have never seen an 90 days guarantee on an ebook.

The optin form on a sales-page is something that I have learned from top-marketers. See, there is only a small percentage of people who will make an instant purchase and the newsletter signup is basically a follow up series in my autoresponder.

Thanks again, I really appriciate your comments on the website!

Guido
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MoneyPlus



Joined: 31 Oct 2007
Posts: 15
Location: Big Apple - New York City

Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2007 8:46 am    Post subject: Re: Coach-My-Business.com

geedo wrote:
Carl, thank you so much for your suggestions! They make sense and I will change that like you suggested.

Guido


Hey Geedo,

I noticed you changed your site around.
It looks much, much better.

Nice Job!
Carl Willoughby
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"Coolest Musical Instrument on the Planet"...
http://www.HughTraceyKalimba.com
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geedo



Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Germany

Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2007 12:30 pm    Post subject:

Yes, I agree it looks much better thanks to your suggestions.

I still think that it is not yet a killer salesletter regarding the actual content. Any suggestions on how I can better convince the reader that he needs the product? Any suggestions on how I could create more urgency in buying the product?

Guido
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